Leadership Freak/Dan Rockwell: Three Types of Complainers – Which One Are You

 Leadership Freak
Three Types of Complainers – Which One Are You
April 6, 2018

I wonder if you pat yourself on the back because you don’t voice all your complaints.

    Withholding complaints doesn’t make you a positive leader.

Fun:

Complaining is fun at least for awhile.

Traffic was horrible. The weather is lousy. Millennials are lazy.

My wife and I love to complain and laugh about Total Recall, an old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie about Mars.
Three types of complainers:

Chronic complainers:

Nothing is good enough. Life sucks!

Chronic complainers complain because they feel powerless. Things don’t change.

    Encouragement doesn’t help chronic complainers.

The only time chronic complainers are ‘happy’ is when they’re unhappy about something. (Do I sound like a complainer.)

‘Woe is me’ complainers:

Some complain because they want you to gather round with concerned faces and give sad hugs.

‘Woe is me’ complainers reject solutions. Solutions are simply another opportunity to find new complaints.

    ‘Woe is me’ complainers might seem harmless, but they suck the life out of teams.

Strategic complainers:

    Leaders choose their complaints carefully and work with others to make improvements.

4 Tips:

#1. Reflect on what complaining says about you.

    Maybe you’re unhappy or dissatisfied with yourself.
    Maybe you have high aspirations for others.

#2. Before you complain ask yourself what you really want.

    Chronic complainers don’t want anything.
    ‘Woe is me’ complainers want sympathy.
    Many complainers are like children, they want someone to do something for them. It’s controlling.

#3. Complain with confidence that improvements are possible.

    We can do something about this.

#4. Determine if you’re willing to work to make improvement.

If you aren’t prepared to get skin in the game, zip it and let it go.

    Don’t talk about it if you don’t plan to do something about it.

What types of complainers might you identify?

What tips do you have for complainers?

Thanks for sharing.

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Category : Complaints   
Tags : Communication, Leadership, Leadership Development   
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7 thoughts on “Three Types of Complainers – Which One Are You”

    Bonnie Mann on April 6, 2018 at 7:30 am said:
    
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    As a tip for complainers – if your compliant starts with “everyone” or “no one” (as in everyone of our employees is doing it wrong or no one here knows what they are doing) look at yourself. Either you are chronic complainer or you’ve done a bad job at hiring and training but it is unlikely that everyone else is wrong.
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        Dan Rockwell on April 6, 2018 at 7:34 am said:
        
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        Wow! That is so good, Bonnie. We love to use global language when we complain. But, if we plan to make improvements we have to limit our language to something that’s manageable.
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    Strategez 4 Success (@Strategez4u) on April 6, 2018 at 1:06 pm said:
    
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    Complaining is a controlling strategy that has worked for them in the past. It gave them the attention they craved or as you point out Dan – sympathy… whatever it was they needed. The way I deal with complainers is to make them feel important and focus on what they do well – not what they don’t do well. It lifts their self-esteem and self-image that they are a worthwhile contributor to the team. Sometimes a kind word or two is enough to make them feel valued and get the attention or sympathy they crave in a positive way.
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        Dan Rockwell on April 6, 2018 at 1:18 pm said:
        
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        Thanks Caro. It’s not necessary to make people feel like losers, as long as we don’t assume responsibility for fixing everyone’s complaints. I appreciate your insights.
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    Tim Glass on April 6, 2018 at 3:19 pm said:
    
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    Dan,
    Ask them if they want some cheese with their whine?
    Seriously, as you mentioned if your not prepared to loose some skin your not fixing.
    Complaints have a purpose if they are indeed a worthy cause subject to interpretations and viewpoints. Some questions you might ask yourself is it me or the universe? Often times you will see the result (The mirror is tough).
    Bring a solution with your complaint, it shows sincerity for those to perhaps really listen to you or them. Be willing to offer ” the how” the solution will make a difference and “what the outcome could be” compared to the path we are on.
    From a leaders viewpoint say I understand your concerns lets write down the pro & Cons and see if we are really helping the team. (The proof is in the pudding) they would say, little cliche’ today.
    Happy Friday!
    Have a great weekend
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    Jane Garthson on April 6, 2018 at 9:18 pm said:
    
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    Some great points made above!
    Some chronic complainers are so stuck in a rut they can’t think of anything else to talk about. And they assume everyone shares their negative opinions about, well, everything. If not one speaks up about the positives, that just validates how bad things are. I’m Canadian; complaints about weather are the start of most trivial conversations and even some significant ones.
    I think the answer is us speaking up about the positives in our lives and in our workplaces, and asking others about what’s good in their lives. When co-workers start talking about their kid that won the judo regionals, the poem they got published, the crocuses that are blooming, the compliment they got from a customer or their new rescue puppy, it changes the dynamic. The complainers see that others get engaged talking about stuff that’s more interesting than whether the elevator was slow! It starts with us. And it means being accountable for not slipping back into those ruts ourselves.
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    Gerry on April 7, 2018 at 5:10 am said:
    
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    Some people are naturally complainers they grew up in a complaining environment this has become part of their personality trait. Sometimes just walking away is the best thing, because if you try and help them to stop complaining they will complain about you trying to help.
    Reply ↓

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