Care2 Healthy Living/Zoe Blarowski: How to Put a Stop to Your Passive Aggressive Tendencies

Care2 Healthy Living
7
tweet
0
0
email
15

    By: Zoe Blarowski
    January 13, 2018

    About Zoe

You’ve likely heard the term passive aggression, but have you ever wondered exactly what it means? In short, passive aggression refers to indirect ways we use of expressing anger. Instead of directly telling someone you’re angry because they hurt your feelings, you might target them with sarcastic comments or stop talking to them altogether.

One of the things that makes passive aggression so hard to recognize is that it can show up in many different ways. Let’s take a closer look at how to spot this destructive behavior pattern and ways to stop it.
WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSION?

A key factor that separates outright aggression from passive aggression is the motivation behind each one. Purely aggressive acts are unplanned and spontaneous. And if you accidentally yell or lash out at someone, you’ll often regret your actions and apologize later.

Whereas, passive aggression is deliberate. It may be subconscious and you don’t realize you’re doing it, but passive aggressive acts are purposefully designed to hurt others in ways you don’t have to feel guilty about. You may be late for an engagement, not follow through with something you promised to do, or you may simply not return a phone call.

In your mind, you have a valid excuse for why you didn’t do all these things. But subconsciously, it’s all part of a plan to get back at someone for hurting you.

Some common passive aggressive behaviors to watch out for in yourself and others include:
Love This? Never Miss Another Story.

    Procrastination
    Running late
    Being critical or sarcastic
    Saying “yes” when you mean “no”
    Pretending not to remember or understand requests
    Gossiping
    Sulking or withdrawing from social interactions
    Insisting you’re a victim because others treat you unfairly
    Making up excuses and stories to avoid giving a straight answer

Related: 12 Signs You’re Too Passive Aggressive
WHAT CAUSES PASSIVE AGGRESSION?

A great deal of passive aggressive behavior stems from the fact that anger is not considered socially acceptable. Many of us are told as children that we must be “good,” and expressions of anger are often punished or discouraged.

So, we learn to suppress our anger. But this doesn’t mean it goes away. It only becomes buried to resurface in another form, such as passive aggressive acts.

A passive aggressive person may also be acting out of feelings of low self-esteem or insecurity. They don’t feel confident enough in themselves to confront others directly about uncomfortable emotions.

Passive aggression can also offer an easy way out. Have you ever made up an excuse to get out of doing something you didn’t want to do? This is much easier than directly confronting someone and telling them you don’t want to do it, which could lead to an argument or make you look bad. Making up an excuse avoids potential conflict and keeps your reputation intact.

Although, any benefits you gain from passive aggressive behavior are typically short lived. If you continue to make excuses or otherwise avoid conflict, people will soon start to see you as unreliable and untrustworthy. They may stop asking you for help, but they may also stop dealing with you altogether.

Finding more constructive ways of expressing yourself and handling conflict will benefit you and all your relationships in the long run.

Related: 8 Tips on Dealing with Passive Aggressive People
HOW TO STOP PASSIVE AGGRESSION

It may help to keep in mind that passive aggression is a learned behavior. It’s not part of anyone’s personality from birth, and acting in passive aggressive ways does not mean you’re a bad person. Never beat yourself up about getting angry. It’s a natural emotional response and it’s normal to feel angry at times.

Passive aggressive tendencies can be changed by simply cultivating greater awareness of your emotions and changing how you respond. Next time you’re in a situation involving conflict, try the following steps.
1. Pause

Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before reacting to what’s happening. For example, if a coworker criticized a project you just finished, don’t snap back at them with a sarcastic retort and walk away. Pay attention to how you feel and what’s going on in your body. Is your heart beating faster? Are you angry or hurt by what they said? Take a deep breath before continuing.
2. Pinpoint the Cause

Passive aggression is often fueled by an inner fear, such as fear of failure, fear of conflict, or fear of being alone. Look closely at why a situation is bothering you. Are you afraid you might be fired because your work isn’t good enough? Recognize that a lot of fears are not logical and our minds can blow them out of proportion.
3. Determine What You Want

How would you like this conflict to end? What do you want out of the situation? Considering what you really want can help determine better ways of finding a long-term solution for everyone involved, rather than temporarily sweeping it under the carpet with passive aggressive avoidance.
4. Express Yourself

Express your feelings and the solution you’d like in a non-aggressive way, such as saying “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the project. How can we work together to fix the weak areas?” Don’t accuse the person of being unfair or use excuses to shirk responsibility. Simply be honest and open to finding a compromise that everyone is happy with.
Related at Care2

    How to Communicate with Your Subconscious Using Creative Visualization
    9 Tips on How to Communicate During a Conflict
    Why Do We Hurt the People We Love?
    4 Steps to Ease Anger and Frustration




GREAT STORY, RIGHT?
Share it with your friends
7
tweet
0
0
email
CONNECT WITH US

    Facebook 1.1 million followers
    Twitter 560,000 followers
    Pinterest 30,000 followers
    Email Newsletter

EMAIL THE EDITORS

You Might Also Like

    30 cleaning tips that professional car washers wish we didn't know 30 cleaning tips that professional car washers wish we didn't know Life Tonik
    10 Health Benfits of Ginger 10 Health Benfits of Ginger

    BPA-Free Plastic Is Toxic, Too. Here are Some Good Alternatives BPA-Free Plastic Is Toxic, Too. Here are Some Good Alternatives
    Warning Signs That Your Cat Is Lonely Warning Signs That Your Cat Is Lonely

    6 Simple Ways to Lose Belly Fat, Based on Science 6 Simple Ways to Lose Belly Fat, Based on Science

Recommended by
15 comments
Angela G
Angela G24 minutes ago

passive aggression is not good but better than all out aggression
SEND
Ruth S
Ruth Sabout an hour ago

Thanks.
SEND
Jen S
Jen Sabout an hour ago

Interesting, with some good ways to address the impulse-thanks!
SEND
Bill E
Bill E1 hours ago

Passive aggression sucks.
SEND
Leo C
Leo C2 hours ago

Thank you for sharing!
SEND
Ann B
Ann B2 hours ago

insecurities my foot -the work place has become a disaster with the young NON workers, smoking on cells late to breaks passive aggressionPLEASE
SEND
Chrissie R
Chrissie R3 hours ago

Thank you for posting.
SEND
Sherry K
Sherry Kohn4 hours ago

Many thanks to you !
SEND
Nancy B
Nancy B4 hours ago

Thanks
SEND
Angela K
Angela K4 hours ago

noted
SEND
view all 15 comments
TOP STORIES

    1
    Slow Your Metabolism with Nitrate-Rich Vegetables
    2
    5 Yoga Poses to Strengthen & Stretch Your Pelvic Floor Muscles
    3
    35 Comforting Vegetarian Recipes You Can't Miss this Winter
    4
    10 Things Movies Get Wrong About Love and Marriage
    5
    Is Coconut Oil Bad for Heart Health?

ads keep care2 free
learn more ▸
add this widget to your site
ads keep care2 free
learn more ▸
COMMUNITY SUCCESS!
Success! Beloved Wild Horses in Arizona Are Officially Protected

Animal advocates are celebrating a major victory for a beloved herd of wild horses in Arizona's...
more
7
tweet
0
0

    Care2 Home
    About Us
    Contact Us
    advertising

Copyright © 2018 Care2.com, inc. and its licensors. All rights reserved
site feedback
site feedback

    log in / Join

    Start A Petition
    Sign Petition
    CARE2 Home
    healthy living
        Food + Recipes
        Health
        Love + Sex
        Green
        News
        Crafts
        Ecards
        Brands for Good
        Nature
        Pets
        Spirit
        Home
        Life
        Family
        Beauty
    causes & news
    Success Stories
    butterfly rewards

New to Care2? Start Here.

    About Us
    Care2 Team Blog